14. salesgenie.com

How do you want your product to get noticed? Hows ‘bout vaguely racist commercials? Yeah, you can probably claim ethnic diversity, but there’s something just a tad unsettling about them, just enough where you’re sitting at a bar with your friends, watching the Super Bowl, and once the ads are over, there’s just awkward silence. Where do I sign!

28. abc Wednesday

Honestly, they papered over my train for what seemed like a year with ads for Dirty Sexy Money Private Practice and Pushing Daisies. Every day. Every freaking day, making me sick of the faces of Kate Walsh, William Baldwin, Blair Underwood, Lee Pace, Swoosie Kurtz, and many assorted others. And then two of the three were canceled by the end of October! Good job, Disney!

53. Holograms

Because the election just wasn’t important enough, how does CNN get you to turn into their election coverage? Holograms!

I mean, anybody could interview Jessica Yellin and will.i.am off a video screen from a remote location. If they’re lame. Check this out!

Suck it, Olbermann and Hume! This is Anderson Cooper reporting from the stardeck in the future!

59. “I’ll Pepper That Guy’s Sauce!”

The secretly great crappy catchphrase of the year courtesy of curmudgeonly reality TV star CT, spoken to someone who angered him (hard, I know) at the Real World reunion/awards show. The nonsensically awesome threat was then elevated to the next level by Bill Simmons podcast contributor JackO,  who asked what the hell it meant.

I and a few other enterprising fellows have been using it  to comic effect ever since. And appropriately, they look at us like we’re crazy. Much like, you know, most Real World cast members.

64. The BET Election Special

I ran across this flipping channels one night about a month before the election, and I knew I wouldn’t last, but I had to see it. And, look I understand that maybe the show was not aimed at someone like me who stays well-informed and understood the stakes.

But that still didn’t stop me from changing the channel about fifteen minutes in. I don’t know, there’s just something severely annoying about seeing Nas expound on his thoughts on the issues. I guess I respect his desire to be sort of an elder statesman and voice of the hip-hop community, but there’s something about him that just grates. It’s like there’s an extra layer of bloviating pomposity that only a highly decorated rapper like him could bring. Look, if he helps the youth get serious about the issues, that’s fine, I’m not telling him to be quiet. But I’ll be putting in my earbuds and listening to something more pleasant, like his music.

71. The ad for Pet Joint Pain Relief Spray

Surely you’ve seen the ad of limping dogs and cats, clearly suffering from joint pain, until they are (claimed to be) cured by this spray you put in their water. And damned if it doesn’t make me feel like Michael Vick, because I start laughing. I’m sorry. The dog the tries to jump into the back of a car but doesn’t have enough elevation, runs into the lowered door and falls down in the other direction? Hilarious.

Oh, I’m not that bad a guy. Think of it like seeing a missed dunk in basketball. I mean, it’s not like I ever wanted Patrick Ewing taken out back and destroyed, y’know?

74. Justin Timberlake, Greatest Entertainer of His Generation?!?

I have to admit, I did not see it coming. He was just some pipsqueak from ‘N Sync, then he was the guy from the Janet Jackson Super Bowl incident, and now…he acts, he sings, he dances, he can tell jokes…what the fuck?!

Cornered into watching the ESPY’s (and by watching, I meant looking up from the bar occasionally…and eventually more than I intended), I saw him host an awards show and be rather entertaining at it. I should have seen it coming, he’s actually been excellent on Saturday Night Live.

I don’t know what to do with this. I don’t even know when this happened. To see a career span like this from one of these boy band types is just jarring. I’m not hoping he gets strange like Michael Jackson or anything, it’s just…weird.

Mitigating circumstances: Involved with stink bomb “The Love Guru”. The film career could be an Achilles heel. That’s a relief.

76. All The TV Shows I’m Not Watching

Sorry, I have no idea what’s going on with Heroes, I’m not mad For Mad Men; I am lost when it comes to what’s going on on Lost, 24 is still on…

I am really not one of those elitists that thinks I’m too good to watch television or own one. I’m really not. I just don’t seem to have the time. Between the drinking, the arguing, the working, the blogging (not really), and the drama, I don’t seem to have time to watch anything that isn’t news or sports. And I have a DVR, so…One of these days, when I’m in the old folks home, I’ll be spending my days with the box sets of all the greatest shows of my generation. Besides, TV would be better with a bedpan, I would think…

79. A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila 2

Bring some strange girl home and let her get control of your remote and this is what happens.

You get past a certain age, and you kind of stop watching MTV, and you’re probably better for it…but not if someone puts on “A Shot at Love”, whose claim to fame is pretty much that it’s the first bisexual fake romance show. But you quickly lose sight of the whole girls and boys meet girls concept because the people, even by reality-show standards are dunderheads of the highest order. I mean they’re the kind of people you meet at a bar, think they’re attractive, and then lose interest once they start talking. (Unless of course, they meet my drinking buddies, where doucheness  and stupidity will not stop you from getting your private parts in the door two, possibly three times.)

That’s sad enough, then it was suggested that I’d be a perfect contestant for the show. I’m sure they didn’t mean anything by it, really, but even possibly being associated with this program made me rethink some things about the way I’m living.

Mitigating circumstances: All the people on the show were off the streets and out of America’s nightclubs and bars for a few weeks.

83. Late Night With Who?

So the plan to promote Conan O’Brien to the Tonight Show generated a ton of excitement.  And then the announcement of his successor generated a lot of dread. Jimmy Fallon is the next One, and Lorne Michaels better know something we don’t (which he might, he’s got the track record, I got a string of half-assed blogs). Look, it’s not like we want to see him fail. Really.

But laughing too long at your own jokes, repeatedly cracking during sketches, and second-rate song parodies are what we expect from our local morning zoo. That’s not going to cut it at 12:35 when your other options are 500 channels, some which might have softcore ‘romantic’ films and sports scores and updates with idiots laughing at their own jokes.